A friend of mine leads a team at a European bank, and a while back he called me about one of his people. “He’s a very important part of the team,” he told me, “but he shows up small around the management team table. I need him to get his voice in the room.”
So I met him. His name was Ray, and he was six foot three. He towered over me. I stood there scratching my head. What was the story here?
He pulls a letter from his coat. He stumbles over the first line. Then he pauses, reaches into his pocket, and puts on a pair of reading glasses very few of his officers have ever seen him wear.
“Gentlemen, you must pardon me. I have grown gray in your service and now find myself growing blind.”
Many of the officers weep. The mutiny dissolves on the spot.
I think about that moment every Fourth of July. The most powerful man in the country, in the highest-stakes meeting of his life, leads with a small, vulnerable admission of his own decay. Not strategy. Not threat. Not certainty. The truth about himself.
This is leadership we still teach in business schools. It is also, increasingly, leadership the next era is going to demand more of, not less.
The trunk in the attic
Come to find out, Ray had been an international martial arts champion. Then he got hurt, and he could no longer compete at the level he used to compete at. In his mind, his career was over. So he did something I have seen so many capable people do: he took that entire identity, locked it in a trunk, put the trunk in the attic, and locked the door.
Then he rebuilt. He went back to school for IT, graduated at the top of his class, and landed a strong role at the bank. On paper, a clean second act. But something was missing. He would walk into meetings with senior leaders, feel like a fish out of water, put his hands between his legs, and make himself small around that table.
I have worked with a lot of leaders in this exact situation: successful in a prior career, then starting over in a new one. The old identity gets sealed away as irrelevant, and the person walks into every high-stakes room as a beginner, carrying none of the evidence of who they have already been. What Ray was experiencing was classic imposter syndrome.
"Humility, empathy, resilience, accessibility, kindness, compassion and ambition for something larger than one's self. Those are the qualities that matter depending on the time."
"Sit like a fighter"
We are sitting together, and I say, “Do me a favor, Ray. Sit in that chair as though you’re in the finals at a championship. You’re about to step out onto the mat. This is your final fight. Be that person right now.”
The change is immediate. He sinks into himself. He gets wide, heavy, and dangerous. I can see it from across the room.
“Ray, how do you feel?”
“Like a fighter.”
“Do you feel any imposter syndrome at all?”
“No. When I fought, I never held back. Win or lose, I left it all on the mat.”
And there it was. The confidence was never gone. It was in the attic. Ray already knew, in his body, exactly what it felt like to walk into the highest-pressure room of his life and belong there. He had simply decided that person had no business coming to work with him.
The most senior people hide the most
Ray is closer to the rule than the exception. Korn Ferry’s 2024 global survey found that “71% of US CEOs experience symptoms of imposter syndrome in their role.” Deloitte’s “Uncovering Culture” study with NYU’s Meltzer Center found that C-suite and senior manager respondents had the highest rates of identity covering of any organizational level, at 67%. And the cost is real: 60% of those who cover report feeling emotionally drained by it.
Seniority tends to raise the stakes of the mask rather than remove it. The more visible the room, the more it seems to cost to be fully seen in it.
The story comes into the room
I asked Ray whether anyone on his team, including his boss, knew about this part of his life. He said no. “I want to be regarded and seen as who I am now.”
I understood that. And I also saw an opportunity. “I know your boss,” I said. “He has a great story of his own, and he would love yours. That’s your assignment.”
Two weeks later, Ray calls me. “Rob, I met with Amir. He loved my story. His story was amazing. And then he said, let’s get the whole team together and do some story sharing.”
Can you imagine a group of IT leaders in that room when the person who had been showing up small talked about being a martial arts champion? His whole demeanor, the way he carried himself, changed right in front of them. It totally changed the trajectory of his career.
And Ray’s disclosure did more than change Ray. In Deloitte’s research, workers asked what actually reduces the need to hide at work pointed to “seeing leaders and teammates who model uncovering and encourage others to follow suit.” One trunk opened in that room, and everyone at the table got permission to open theirs.
Your assignment
Find your own version of the mat. Somewhere in your life there is a room where you were fully yourself and fully capable: a stage, a kitchen, a classroom, a playing field, a lab. Picture one specific moment from it.
Now, before your next high-stakes meeting, sit in your chair as that person. Let your body take the shape it knew then. You are looking for what Ray found: the settling into the chair, and the quiet that follows. Notice what drops away when that identity is in the chair with you.
Then, when you are ready, go one step further and tell the story to one person you trust at work. You may be surprised what they hand you back.
Questions leaders ask about imposter syndrome
Is imposter syndrome common in senior leaders?
Imposter syndrome is extremely common at senior levels. Korn Ferry’s 2024 research found that 71% of US CEOs experience symptoms of imposter syndrome in their role. The feeling of being found out tends to intensify with visibility rather than fade with promotion.
What causes imposter syndrome in experienced executives?
A frequent cause of imposter syndrome in experienced executives is a career transition where a prior capable identity gets left behind. Moving into a new field, a leader often discards the evidence of past mastery and walks into every room as a beginner, even though the underlying capabilities (composure, discipline, courage) transfer completely.
How do I stop making myself small in meetings?
A practical way to stop making yourself small in meetings starts with the body. Recall a specific moment when you were at your best somewhere else in your life, and sit as that person before you speak, grounded and settled. Presence is congruence (face, body, voice, and emotions all sending the same message), and the body is the fastest way in.
Should leaders share personal stories at work?
Leaders who share personal stories at work give their teams measurable permission to do the same. In Deloitte’s “Uncovering Culture” study, workers specifically named seeing leaders model uncovering as one of the things that reduced their own need to hide. A well-chosen story is a leadership act.
Does imposter syndrome go away as you become more senior?
Imposter syndrome rarely disappears with seniority on its own. Deloitte found that C-suite executives and senior managers report the highest rates of identity covering of any level, at 67%. What changes the experience is deliberately reconnecting with the capable identities you already own and bringing them into the rooms where the pressure lives.
What’s in your attic? If you recognize yourself in Ray, or you lead someone who shows up smaller than you know they are, I’d welcome a conversation. Let’s talk about how I might help.
Rob Salafia is a lecturer and executive coach at MIT Sloan School of Management, a Master Executive Coach at the MIT Leadership Center, and the author of “Leading From Your Best Self” (McGraw-Hill). He spent 15 years as a professional performer before coaching executives, and he is the founder of Protagonist Consulting Group.
